Rat in the Hat: How to Avoid Talent Nights

Hello there!
Were you absent when talent was taught in school like me?

It would not come as a surprise to those who know me if i blurt out my undying affections for music. But alas, it is a one-sided love. so days like these call for drastic measures.

Here's a few surefire ways I've come up to help you escape days when you're expected to showcase your talents (that you probably don't have)

1. Schedule a massive headache.
This is the counterpart of bend and snap for escape artists. works well not only for talent nights but also for recitations and exams (Be ready to make quick appointments for pop-quizzes).

2. Discuss the repercussions of this act to the environment.

(photo credit: http://blogs.watoday.com.au/digital-life/screenplay/Plants-Vs-Zombies.png)

Since everyone is so big on going green these days, might as well express your strong distaste for your capability to increase your carbon footprint by showcasing your non-existent talents. Trust me, they wouldn't even want to go into an endless debate about this. Environmentalists might even support your noble cause.

3. Laugh and get it over with.
Why would i want to do that?!
The whole idea of this blog entry is to AVOID doing it, not face it like a grown up, armed with the rationale that I'll have to do it eventually. Wait. That didn't come from me. that's a useless advice.

4. Learn Invisibility.
This is by far the easiest way out--no see moi, no problemo. You're free to choose between the cloak of invisibility

(photo credit: http://www.impactlab.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/11/invisibility_px4bq_17334.jpg)

or you could try standing in front of an operating microwave for 48 hours and it might have the same effect Sue Storm got from their radiation episode--or maybe the thing. Either way, you'd still be invisible or unrecognizable-this works too.

5. Feign Amnesia
How on earth would you know its talent night if you have selective memory loss?! This tactic can be fortified by coupling it with another disease/mental condition. Effective conditions include early onset Alzheimer's, malaria, measles, ebola, obesity, t-virus. The more contagious, the better.

(photo credit: http://blog.shockwave.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/05/zombie_footballai4.jpg, http://images.pictureshunt.com/pics/z/zombie_resident_evil-1993.jpg)

6. Lay Out Plans for World Domination.
Now this one could be a supporting plan for the above strategy if its effectiveness is not as you hoped. You may opt for bio-terrorism but if it does not suit your taste, you can always go Dr. Evil

(photo credit:http://www.hjo3.net/orly/gal2/orly_dr_evil.gif)

and refer to his existing plots for world domination. Just make sure you got your numbers for ransom right--this part is optional.

Or maybe i could go on my knees and beg them not to let me do it. Then when they least expect it, BOOOM! I'll blast their eardrums off! xD

Okay, they'll probably kill me if they get to read this.
You can blame work for this entry. Now,